Take a Deep Breath

Jon Carroll urges calm.

First, I want to stress that I am not at all nervous about the election. The sun will come up in the east no matter which candidates win, and no matter which propositions pass, and there will still be music and root vegetables and the glint of sunshine on the water.

Then he loses it.

But don't tell me that Obama's really far ahead, because that would be conventional wisdom and conventional wisdom is often wrong and there would be talk of the McCain Miracle. Oh God no.
But don't tell me Obama's behind, either. Sometimes polls are wrong, but mostly they are not wrong, and if he's behind, then probably he's going to lose, and then I would have to move to Canada and hide in my daughter's basement in Montreal.

My enemies have tricks up their sleeves. They could, I dunno, suspend the election on national security grounds. They could create an international incident that requires a military man to manage it. Bomb bomb Iran - McCain has already prepared for that possibility. Now, I think most Americans would be appalled if we bombed Iran, but what do I know? Does America ever think the way I think? It does not.