Sunday, August 30, 2009

Suction, Football, and Sean vs. John

Ah, the things that pop into my head while lying on the couch brandishing the
TV remote control with Grandbaby sleeping on my shoulder (don't worry,
I'm an experienced broadcast equipment operator; I haven't injured anyone
in years).

- She generates considerable suction on her bottle while sleeping. She
drinks it dry, then creates a vacuum inside that causes a loud hiss
through the nipple when she finally lets go. When my daughter was a
baby we used disposable bottle liners; this kid would collapse one of
those into a tiny ball in the tip. Happily it doesn't seem to give her any
tummy trouble, so she must not swallow the air. In case you're wondering,
she has judged a pacifier to be unacceptable as a substitute for an empty

- While the two sports that use the name football - oops, two of the three;
mustn't forget Australian rules football, which can be a hoot to watch
when I can find it on TV here - are about as different as possible,
I've noticed a few similarities. (1) At any given time, most of the players
aren't involved in the primary action. NFL football is especially big on this;
all the shifting and motion for a handoff up the middle can be hilarious.
(2) Certain penalties seem designed to be killjoys, inhibiting exciting
moments. The offside rule in soccer and the many variations on holding
in football are the big culprits. (3) A lot of down time, although in football
it's designed into the game while in soccer it's more a matter of players
kicking the ball back and forth either waiting for a chance to try something
or take a breather.

- Craig Ferguson's stand-up bit about his fellow Scot Sean Connery brought
John Wayne to mind. Ferguson noted that Connery essentially plays himself
no matter the character; Wayne did that for years. Each has/had a natural
presence, although Wayne never had Connery's sex symbol image. Both
also attempted to resemble Asians with unfortunate results; I'd give
Wayne's Genghis Khan in The Conqueror the advantage over Connery's
disguise in You Only Live Twice, because Wayne had better makeup and
enjoyed the advantage of having other less-than-convincing actors with
him, whereas Connery was working almost entirely with actual Asian actors
during his scenes, which made him look even sillier.